I often find myself wondering when it was that hookers and cocaine suddenly fell from grace. I mean, what happened here? They were all the rage in the 80’s. You couldn’t turn on a TV without being inundated by a news story or police show depicting at least one, but more often than not, both of these 80’s icons. Right now, as you read this, you’re probably thinking, “Yeah… when the heck did coke and whores drop off the face of the earth?”

Fear not, my loyal reader(s). I have the answer: June 28th, 1989. In a “Leap of Faith,” Miami Vice aired its final episode. Things have never been the same for nose candy and pay-to-play ladies of the night ever since. And don’t even get me started on pet alligators. OK, so technically the final episode of Miami Vice was shown on January 25th, 1990. Ironically titled “Too Much, Too Late,” the episode was never aired on NBC. Instead, it was shown for the first time on the USA Network after the show went into syndication. By then, hookers the world over were getting pink slips and Colombian drug lords were sitting on inventory they could no longer move.

But hos and blow weren’t the only victims of NBC’s decision to axe the Vice. Ray Bans, Ferrari Testarossas, and pastel suits never bounced back. And what the hell happened to Jan Hammer? In 2004, Jan released The Best of Miami Vice, featuring newly-recorded versions of songs that nobody had listened to in fifteen years. Two years later, to avoid being pigeonholed by his connection to the show, he produced the score for Cocaine Cowboys, a documentary about the drug scene in Miami in the 80’s. Yeah. Go Yohn.

But don’t shed a tear for the Czech with a penchant for narcotics-inspired music composition. At least he’s still working. The real victims of the decade were bimbos and Bolivian marching powder. So as Christmas draws near, remember those less fortunate. Hug a hooker. And let every snowflake that falls remind you of the foo-foo dust that was never snorted. Crockett and Tubbs would want it that way.